Today I'm enjoying a rare and wonderful 3-hour Rachel nap. 3 hours and counting, I should say. Wow! Natalie never napped like that. (Mommy! Don't compare your kids! Oops.)
Natalie is napping, too, and I just realized I have neglected my blog of late. It's been because life is that stinkin' busy. Things got really, really hard for a while. I got pretty depressed. I got to a breaking point, where I was saying things like, "I hate my life" to my husband as he was getting ready for work one morning and the girls were both crying. I finally cried, and cried every day for a couple of days.
Then I officially pulled Natalie out of Mother's Day Out and hired my mom to come over a couple days a week. So far we are still only beginning that transition, but Natalie already knows and loves my mom, so that helps a lot. I think the challenge there is going to be my mom's availability, but I'm starting to feel better even about handling the girls all week, every week, by myself. Even if I have to do it 11+ hours a day.
Natalie is still getting over this spike of separation anxiety that school and daddy's new job brought on. At the lowest point she would burst into tears if I so much as left the room. I finally made myself compromise on the TV thing--she gets to watch TV if I have to be alone in the other room with Rachel (to nurse or help her down for a nap.) TV is Cinderella (still mixed feelings about it, but she's already seen it so many times, I figure the damage is done) or one show a day on Nick Jr, now that we got cable back. We got a land line, too.
Rob and I are going to start the search for a second car in earnest soon. We'll be looking at SUV's and minivans. I don't know what we'll do with the girls while we test drive. Can we get away with bringing them? Can we get away with leaving them with my parents for a few hours? We shall see.
Anyway, we're two weeks out of the last day Natalie went to school, and I'm finally feeling better about the whole situation.
We also had a little bit of rain, two days in a row, and clouds for several days, which brightened my mood considerably. I think I have some sort of reverse seasonal affective disorder. The kind that's only possible when it's this hot and dry for this long. My soul needed rain and clouds.
My dear brother Geoff came over and spent his Friday morning with us last week. He talked to me a little about his meditation practice, and it sounds like something I would benefit from greatly. Now to decide when I'm going to get around to it...
Anyhow, I've got my older child back (mostly), the weather's turning nicer, the money's coming in and my youngest is sleeping a little better. So I'm sleeping better. Life is good again.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Upside-down girl
So, about 2-1/2 weeks ago, Rob started a new job. Almost two weeks ago, Natalie started Mother's Day Out on Tuesday and Thursday mornings, 9:30 - 1:30. It has been a heck of a transition for our little family.
Rob's old job was in the Riata complex, only a couple of miles from our house. He biked to work practically every day, and it worked well. They were very accommodating of our family's needs, and even allowed him to work reduced office hours from the time Rachel was born until she was three months old. He worked the rest of the hours from home, after the girls went to sleep at night. Pretty nice, huh? The schedule he left was M-F, 7-4, basically.
The new job is better for him in many ways, but the commute is a killer, at least for me--he's now gone from 6:30-5:30. Eleven hours without Daddy, every day. He does a combination of bike and bus, but there's really no way to make the commute faster than 1-1/2 hours each way unless we buy a second car. My driving him to work isn't practical anymore--who wants to be stuck on a round-trip cross-town rush hour commute with two babies in the car?
Thankfully, the weather finally cooled off from the 110's to the lower 90's this past weekend. Yeah, there have been wildfires, too. Scary and tragic. So many people have lost so much. I cried watching the news. My parents in Dripping Springs had to evacuate to our house when the Pedernales One fire got to be 3 miles away and the wind pointed it toward their subdivision. Fortunately firefighters got the upper hand on it and my parents were able to return home within a few hours.
So, Natalie started MDO last week. Tuesday went great, no tears until I picked her up, and the teacher said Natalie was happy all day until another little girl accidentally stepped on her foot. But it was past her normal naptime, and I expected some fussiness. She fell asleep in the car. I transferred her to bed when we got home, and she slept 2 hours.
Thursday went horribly. Rachel and Natalie both woke up at 4:30AM and didn't nap at all before we got to school to drop Natalie off. Natalie started saying, "I don't like it. I don't want to go," as we got to the outside doors. Inside she burst into tears and I had to force myself to leave her while she was still crying hard. I felt like a terrible mother. Even worse: at 11:00AM after I got home, it dawned on me I'd left the cellphone in the car. My heart sank as I picked it up and checked voicemail. Her teacher had called at 10:30, thirty minutes prior, for me to come get her. She was beside herself when I finally came and picked her up. The rest of the day didn't get any better. By the end of it, I was a mess myself.
This Tuesday I had to drop my sister-in-law, Jane, off at the airport, after a wonderful long weekend visit. I had to drop Natalie at school first, then drop off Jane. Natalie started crying as we got out of the car. I had brought her a little too early, which made for a longer, tougher goodbye. She was sobbing and screaming when I left. I almost went back to pick her up and never bring her to MDO again. But I didn't want to make a decision like that in the heat of an emotional moment.
Other moms have told me it takes a month, or 6-7 visits, for a child Natalie's age to acclimate to a new school. This feels pretty awful. I feel like I am being cruel and abandoning her. But I'm trying to stick it out, hoping she will actually like school and enjoy her friends and activities there. I'm giving it a month, I tell myself.
This morning, Thursday, went a little better. I started mentioning school in the morning before we left, and at first I thought I had made a big mistake. Natalie's lips started to quiver and tears came to her eyes. She asked me to carry her. She wanted to sit with me as I fed Rachel pureed pears for breakfast. As I pulled out her lunchbox, new backpack and drink cup, she kept saying things like, "I want to go read books! I want to go night-night!" Anything but go to school. Once, she said, "I don't like her." She got sad and got over it a couple of times. I made her the scrambled eggs she said she was suddenly hungry for. She played with them. I started to unbuckle her booster seat and get her down to put her in the car, and her tears started welling up again. "It's okay to be sad," I said, and hugged her close. She cried a little bit, hugged some more, then we went to the car. I asked her if she wanted her sunglasses, thinking maybe it might help if she wanted to hide behind them. She did.
It was about 9:27 when I left. School is 5 minutes away, and it takes us a few minutes to get out of the car, so I knew we would be a few minutes late.
We made our way slowly to the classroom. Her teacher and aide greeted her cheerfully and I put her things in her cubby. She said, "Mommy!" and I sat down next to her to give her a goodbye hug and kiss.
I expected the crying and screaming again, but it was only the trembling lip and downcast eyes this time. I hope and pray this means it is getting a little easier for her.
Update: Minutes after I posted this, I got a call from the school director, asking me to come pick up Natalie. The teacher suggested that I expect a call from her early in the day if Natalie's upset again next week. We talked about experimenting with early pick-ups for a while. Poor Natalie!
Rob's old job was in the Riata complex, only a couple of miles from our house. He biked to work practically every day, and it worked well. They were very accommodating of our family's needs, and even allowed him to work reduced office hours from the time Rachel was born until she was three months old. He worked the rest of the hours from home, after the girls went to sleep at night. Pretty nice, huh? The schedule he left was M-F, 7-4, basically.
The new job is better for him in many ways, but the commute is a killer, at least for me--he's now gone from 6:30-5:30. Eleven hours without Daddy, every day. He does a combination of bike and bus, but there's really no way to make the commute faster than 1-1/2 hours each way unless we buy a second car. My driving him to work isn't practical anymore--who wants to be stuck on a round-trip cross-town rush hour commute with two babies in the car?
Thankfully, the weather finally cooled off from the 110's to the lower 90's this past weekend. Yeah, there have been wildfires, too. Scary and tragic. So many people have lost so much. I cried watching the news. My parents in Dripping Springs had to evacuate to our house when the Pedernales One fire got to be 3 miles away and the wind pointed it toward their subdivision. Fortunately firefighters got the upper hand on it and my parents were able to return home within a few hours.
So, Natalie started MDO last week. Tuesday went great, no tears until I picked her up, and the teacher said Natalie was happy all day until another little girl accidentally stepped on her foot. But it was past her normal naptime, and I expected some fussiness. She fell asleep in the car. I transferred her to bed when we got home, and she slept 2 hours.
Thursday went horribly. Rachel and Natalie both woke up at 4:30AM and didn't nap at all before we got to school to drop Natalie off. Natalie started saying, "I don't like it. I don't want to go," as we got to the outside doors. Inside she burst into tears and I had to force myself to leave her while she was still crying hard. I felt like a terrible mother. Even worse: at 11:00AM after I got home, it dawned on me I'd left the cellphone in the car. My heart sank as I picked it up and checked voicemail. Her teacher had called at 10:30, thirty minutes prior, for me to come get her. She was beside herself when I finally came and picked her up. The rest of the day didn't get any better. By the end of it, I was a mess myself.
This Tuesday I had to drop my sister-in-law, Jane, off at the airport, after a wonderful long weekend visit. I had to drop Natalie at school first, then drop off Jane. Natalie started crying as we got out of the car. I had brought her a little too early, which made for a longer, tougher goodbye. She was sobbing and screaming when I left. I almost went back to pick her up and never bring her to MDO again. But I didn't want to make a decision like that in the heat of an emotional moment.
Other moms have told me it takes a month, or 6-7 visits, for a child Natalie's age to acclimate to a new school. This feels pretty awful. I feel like I am being cruel and abandoning her. But I'm trying to stick it out, hoping she will actually like school and enjoy her friends and activities there. I'm giving it a month, I tell myself.
This morning, Thursday, went a little better. I started mentioning school in the morning before we left, and at first I thought I had made a big mistake. Natalie's lips started to quiver and tears came to her eyes. She asked me to carry her. She wanted to sit with me as I fed Rachel pureed pears for breakfast. As I pulled out her lunchbox, new backpack and drink cup, she kept saying things like, "I want to go read books! I want to go night-night!" Anything but go to school. Once, she said, "I don't like her." She got sad and got over it a couple of times. I made her the scrambled eggs she said she was suddenly hungry for. She played with them. I started to unbuckle her booster seat and get her down to put her in the car, and her tears started welling up again. "It's okay to be sad," I said, and hugged her close. She cried a little bit, hugged some more, then we went to the car. I asked her if she wanted her sunglasses, thinking maybe it might help if she wanted to hide behind them. She did.
It was about 9:27 when I left. School is 5 minutes away, and it takes us a few minutes to get out of the car, so I knew we would be a few minutes late.
We made our way slowly to the classroom. Her teacher and aide greeted her cheerfully and I put her things in her cubby. She said, "Mommy!" and I sat down next to her to give her a goodbye hug and kiss.
I expected the crying and screaming again, but it was only the trembling lip and downcast eyes this time. I hope and pray this means it is getting a little easier for her.
Update: Minutes after I posted this, I got a call from the school director, asking me to come pick up Natalie. The teacher suggested that I expect a call from her early in the day if Natalie's upset again next week. We talked about experimenting with early pick-ups for a while. Poor Natalie!
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