Well, this is a long overdue update, isn't it?
I'm up in the middle of the night, as I am every night lately, thanks to lingering congestion from this year's round of Cedar Fever. Oh, and I'm pregnant. That might have something to do with the congestion, too.
Yeah, wow, Linton baby #3 is on the way! The due date is July 5, 2014. Natalie is now 4-1/2, and Rachel's 3rd birthday is coming up mid-February. They'll be 5 and 3-1/2, respectively, when the baby arrives. Of course, I don't know how things will play out. It's never easy having a baby, but I think this time it might be somewhat easier than when I had Rachel, when Natalie was 19 months old, and not in any kind of childcare program. The girls go to preschool Monday-Wednesday-Friday now. I have a part-time, work-from-home job now, since almost a year ago. Lots of things have changed.
To answer the obvious baby questions: No, this was not an accident. We did this on purpose. We're hoping for a healthy, happy baby, and gender isn't much of a factor for us. Lots of people want us to have a boy, since we already have two girls. We won't be able to find out what we're having for at least a week, at the 18-week appointment, or possibly a month after that, at the 22-week appointment. Maybe I can sweet talk the midwife at the birthing center into giving me a quick sonogram to take a peek at gender next time, but even if we do that, there are no guarantees that we'll be able to tell. Early on in this pregnancy, I felt like it was a boy. Over the past few days, I've been thinking it's a girl. I think I even dreamed about having another girl, though my dreams are chaotic lately and it's hard to remember where the line falls between thoughts and dreams.
Other than the regular midnight allergy party, and a few predictable aches and pains, this has been a problem-free pregnancy. Thank God. That's never a guarantee with any pregnancy, and my heart goes out to all the women who have suffered losses, and those who have endured high-risk and/or extremely uncomfortable pregnancies.
This time, unlike when I was pregnant with Rachel, I haven't felt like I've been pregnant forever. Roughly 3 years in between was a nice break.
I don't know what will happen with my job when baby #3 comes along. Well, I know I'll take some form of unpaid maternity leave when the baby arrives, because just surviving the early days will take all of my physical and mental energy. But beyond that, I don't know how the balance will shift. Natalie will start Kindergarten in the fall. Hard to believe I'm typing that; the years truly are short, even as the days are long. I will most likely keep Rachel in the Butterfly Garden, the preschool that the girls and I have both loved. There will be plenty of one-on-one time between baby and me on those days when the girls are both in school. That will be a nice change from when Rachel was born.
Rachel and Natalie are so closely bonded. It will be an adjustment for Rachel when Natalie goes to Kindergarten; they've rarely been apart for more than a few hours at a time. Heck, they seem to grow bored and miss each other even when they're just separated by naps. Even that is exceedingly rare; they still take a nap at the same time every day. Well, most days. I don't know how we have held on to naps this long. I've held on for dear life, even though I'm sure I'll adjust when that sweet nap time comes to an end.
Rachel said one day recently, "I don't need friends. I just want Natalie." It was in the context of a conversation with me about school and schoolmates. Rachel has a big independent streak, and doesn't seem to crave social interaction the same way Natalie does. Rachel definitely has her social side, too, it's just not necessarily her default mode. As with just about everything else in life, Rachel wants to socialize on her own terms.
They've grown up so much. They're showing their capabilities in so many ways. Natalie has taken a huge leap forward in patience, forbearance, grace. She's penitent when she thinks she's done something wrong. The other day, she sulked off to her room after I (gently, I hope) called her out for snatching food off Rachel's plate. Rachel had yelped in protest. I told Natalie, as I often do, that she wouldn't like it if Rachel took her food. When Natalie left the room, I thought she was upset with me for calling her out. Five minutes later, she emerged with a sunny look on her face from her room, and I asked her if we could chat. She nodded yes. I sat her on my lap and asked her if she was upset with me for telling her not to take Rachel's food. To my surprise, she answered that she was mad at herself for taking Rachel's food. I told her that we all make mistakes and lose control sometimes. I also told her that there is so much I admire about her, that she's become so patient, so kind and giving. She brightened. We hugged and she went on about her day.
It surprises me that they're not at the point of vying for equal treatment. I remember so many, "it's not fair! He got more than me!" moments between my younger brother and me. Maybe the girls haven't hit that stage yet.
I see that it's 3:30, and that's the time I usually pick to go back to bed, hoping that the Benadryl will kick in by the time I'm no longer vertical. I sleep somewhat elevated. "Sleep" is the optimistic term, but it will be rest, and rest is better than nothing. I'm actually more at peace with this insomnia than I have been with insomnia in years. Somehow it's just easier to accept the less savory parts of reality these days. Since I had kids, maybe. Or perhaps it's part of growing older. Whatever it is, I like it.
