As of this week, I am 37 weeks pregnant, just over the 9-month mark, settling into the true home stretch. 37 weeks is always a welcome sight, as any delivery prior to that would automatically land baby in the Neonatal ICU, an experience I wouldn't wish to repeat or for my child to experience. Not that NICUs don't have their important purposes; it's just that my experience with Natalie in the NICU left a sour taste.
When Rachel was born, I was keenly intent on securing for myself and my child a birth experience that was the complete opposite of Natalie's: spontaneous, intervention-free to the extent possible, with little to no separation of mother and child, and a quick return home. I got everything I wanted in Rachel's birth, and a lot of healing, too. Even my chronic sciatica and related pelvic alignment issues resolved. I was very prepared, with a doula and my husband and parents and even a few neighbors ready to pitch in and help with childcare or any other support we needed.
This time around, going back to Austin Area Birthing Center felt like an obvious choice--we'd had such a good experience there with Rachel, there was no sense in changing anything.
I've realized, gradually, that I haven't put the same level of intention into the birth experience this time. I feel like I'm adequately prepared--the bassinet and carseat are ready to go, I have stocked up on diapers, receiving blankets, and all the birth-day necessities. My little suitcase is packed. We don't have a doula this time, but my husband and parents and neighbors are standing by. The girls are considerably older than Natalie was when Rachel was born, and they understand what's coming and can be of genuine help if they choose. They're capable of getting things for themselves, taking care of their own basic needs, and entertaining themselves and each other. That alone is a huge difference between this time and last.
Still, it occurs to me that every birth is different. Last time, true labor started at around 7AM, which was just about perfect--I hadn't had a wonderful night's sleep, but I had slept, and I went into the whole process with about as much energy as I could possibly have. I delivered her in the jacuzzi at 12:30PM. Rachel was born just 2 days before her due date, which is pretty ideal timing. There were a few funky details--we had to take a couple of extra precautions to avoid my transmitting Group B Strep to her, and she had some facial bruising following the delivery that made for some discoloration and swelling we had to keep an eye on. She was on jaundice watch at home, but she never developed jaundice. Otherwise, her birth was about as easy as I could have possibly hoped for. Nursing was uncomfortable at first, but she gained weight and we gradually improved at it until it was truly easy.
This time, any number of things could be different. I could go into labor at the end of the day and deliver in the middle of the night. Labor could take longer. Labor could come on and progress so quickly that we don't make it to the birthing center in time. There could be a train stalled on the train tracks between my house and the birthing center (a remote, but real possibility). This little baby boy could be significantly bigger or smaller than the girls (though no one has expressed concern about his size either way). The baby or I could develop some sort of complication that would necessitate a hospital transport, even a C-section or a NICU stay. Anything could happen.
I'll try to expect the unexpected, prepare for the worst and hope for the best. I'm truly not worried; I just feel like I am better prepared if I consider a range of possibilities. Cautious optimism, you could call it.
I've had bouts of Braxton Hicks contractions and aches and sudden pains that stop me in my tracks, on and off since my last prenatal appointment. I can't know for sure, but it feels like my body is preparing itself earlier this time. I don't know whether or not that will mean a birth well before the due date. Perhaps being in my third pregnancy, I just know my body's signs more acutely.
However he makes his entrance to the world, I very much look forward to meeting him, to look at his alien newborn face, to search his eyes, to stroke his soft hair, to gaze at his tiny articulated fingers.
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